Thursday, January 10, 2013

Knitting with Tears

 
 

A few years ago I learned to knit  ... well, really I learned to knit when I was about 7 or 8, but did nothing with it.  But after years and years of knowing that one day I would learn, and having looked longingly at knitting books and wishing I could make those beautiful things, I finally bought myself a book, sat down and taught myself how to really knit! 

 
The saddest part of all of this is that I passed up on a perfect and beautiful opportunity to learn this skill from my own mother. 
 
All the years I asked her to make sweaters for my kids, a scarf for myself, and my treasured mittens, I never once bothered to ask her to teach me how to make these things myself.  And Mom knew all about knitting! 
 
 
 I could almost cry over how stupid I was ... I have cried over it.  I knit with tears. 

Mom had in her own knitting library the famous book, "Knitting Without Tears" by Elizabeth Zimmerman.  When I saw it there, I was thrilled!!  But when I read in Ms. Zimmerman's book right there on page 2, "If you hate to knit, why, bless you, don't; follow your secret heart and take up something else", I felt huge discouragement.  Because at the beginning of this quest I did hate to knit!  At times I would get so frustrated in trying to figure out the instructions, that knitting, needles, book (and even the poor dog!) would be sent flying off my lap in a fit of anger and disappointment.  Those words haunted me, and I wanted to prove them wrong. 

I persevered.  Maybe because I wanted Mom to somehow know that I would figure this out ... that I could make her proud.  And maybe part of that anger was just my grieving process ... angry that she was gone, and I wanted her back more than ever (believe me, I have had a very tough time since she died).
 
I'm embarrassed about some of the mistakes I've made (some just silly because I misinterpreted the instructions), but I kept learning every time I cast on.  One of the most important lessons I have learned is that you really need to know what the stitches should look like ("the anatomy of the stitch" as one knitter wrote), and you need to know how to fix your mistakes without ripping the whole piece apart.  And those two lessons are hardest to learn when you don't have a live person showing you how, and you have to decipher it from cryptic text.  I spent a lot of time frogging ... at least that was easy to do!

Teal scarf took me months to finish; Green scarf made in moss stitch from bamboo yarn.
 
I was able to show Mom only two things I knitted before she died.  Each of them were scarves (above), but she would comment on them every time I visited her (she was like that ... always quick to notice what you were wearing and giving a simple, but lovely compliment). 
 
My first big accomplishment was a watch cap (below), knit in the round.  I found the pattern on Ravelry, and it's the same pattern that women knitted up for soldiers during WWII.  I made it from wool from Mom's stash (the leftover wool from a sweater she made at my request when I was a teenager ... I still have the sweater!).

 
I made this hat five times ... four of the five were ripped back to the beginning.  It was during the fifth time knitting this hat that I set about learning to fix mistakes ... dropped stitches, and changing purl stitches to knit when I found them rows later ... all kinds of things.  It was a proud moment to finish it knowing that I fixed all the mistakes (all that I could see anyway).
 
 
And once I got the hang of knitting in the round, I couldn't pass up a book on knitting "tinies" and started making these cute little animals which are about 1" long.  Fun stuff, but fussy!
 

So this adventure has brought me today to working on a fun little baby's hat in this book.  Do I know any babies to wear it?  Nope!  But I loved the open knotwork, and since I was unsuccessful at making this last year (and have since figured out my mistake), I'm having another go and making it work!

 
I love the colours in this pure wool sock yarn.
 
 

 
I know I'll never be a fantastic knitter, but I'm finally enjoying the process.  And as long as I keep my hands in it regularly, I hopefully will remember all that I've learned and can finally start knitting without tears!!
 
Thanks for stopping by!
 
Wendy

14 comments:

  1. Your Mum would be so proud of you! Maybe she is, maybe she's looking down on you with a smile on her face, one of those smiles us Mums often smile. One of those smiles that say " I wish she'd JUST ASK! '
    We've all done it, taken our Mums for granted, not asked when we should have, only thought about asking when it was too late. Your knitting is perfect, you'll get better and better. You're improving each time you practice, your Mum would be so proud! :) x

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    1. Thank you so much Ada ... sentiments all so well said, and which I hold to myself. What with your crochet and my knitting, we're both going to be experts in no time ;) Wendy

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  2. Hi Wendy, Both scarfs are lovely, I specially like the bamboo yarn one. It was nice to read your story about the knitting journey. I am sure your mum would be very proud of you. - Gaia

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    1. Thank you Gaia ... this has been an interesting & very personal journey for me, all mixed up with my mom. Wendy

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  3. What a thoughtful, wistful, wonderful post. It makes me more aware of being appreciative of the little tricks my mother has taught me along my own knitting journey. I too know that I'll never be a fantastic knitter, and I'm totally okay with it. I still enjoy it - if it's simple - and I LOVE having functional handmades at the end of it. But I did NOT enjoy the very beginnings of learning how to knit. And I still do *not* enjoy complicated (in my eyes, anyhow) patterns or ones that require considerable focus. Yeah, knitting with tears - you're bang on. But the tears DO fade over time. You'll get there.

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    1. It's good to know I'm not the only one who starts out this way. Thank you for your kind words. I loved seeing my kids in woolen things when they were small, and was so grateful to my mom for supplying them. I know she enjoyed making them as well, so all was not lost. Your hand knit sweaters that I've seen on your blog are so adorable (as are your kids!). Thanks for the encouragement :) Wendy

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  4. Your mom sounds like she was a lovely person. I am sure you are still connecting with her each time you knit. You have made some beautiful things!

    My grandmother taught me to crochet when I was young and I didn't keep it up. I took a knitting class last year, but I am progressing VERY slowly. I have a friend who helps, and that is a blessing indeed. I find reading books very frustrating. YouTube videos definitely help. I need to see someone doing it!

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  5. You're right Jo, I DO feel connected with my mom when I knit (and when I bake using her old mixing bowls!). The book I learned from was "Stitch 'n Bitch" by Debbie Stoller, and I found it very helpful. It's when I veer off to try different patterns that I get lost. I've been able to solve a few mysteries through videos as well. Good luck to you in your own knitting! Wendy

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  6. I again can relate to you, Wendy, but with sewing....
    My mum was a dress maker and even made her own wedding gown.
    I have her vintage singer sewing machine,which is lovely and has its own wood cabinet now.I remember mum sewing away all our clothes and making every thing for the home.
    I haven't learnt this skill unfortunately, but my daughter has!
    There is a time for every thing and I agree, you are connecting with her now, each time you knit, which is lovely.
    We are lucky, to have, had the Mums we had Wendy! Bless them.
    Sending kind thoughts, Maria x

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    1. Every comment written on this post is tugging at my heartstrings :) It's a special thing to have a mom who makes things for her family. It's lovely that you now have your mom's sewing machine (I have all my mom's knitting needles & patterns). You must feel quite proud of your daughter to have followed in her grandmother's footsteps. And, hey, it's never too late to learn ... I learned to knit at 50 (oops! did I say that out loud?), maybe your daughter could give you some easy lessons at the sewing machine. Thank you for your words of comfort as always Maria. Wendy

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  7. I often think about learning to sew. My Mum can sew so well, I really ought to do it.
    Your knitting looks beautiful <3

    xx

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    1. Hi Sara Jane :) I bet your mom would be thrilled to help you with it! I'm back to the knitting today after having ripped out about six rows on Friday. (silly mistake I did!) Thanks for visiting!
      Wendy

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  8. Hello Wendy, My Mam was a fantastic knitter and invented her own Aran designs, but sadly I never learnt this skill or her other talent, which was sewing and upholstery, as she died when I was just 12.

    Your Mum would be very proud of you tackling this art, and I think you're doing amazingly well!

    PS, Maria (Rosey Tinted Spectacles) and I live in the same town and are friends!

    Love Claire xxx

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    1. Claire, I only just saw this comment in looking at my "stats" (how vain of me). I'm somewhat satisfied that I was able to show my mom the two scarves I made before she died ... yes, I think she was quite pleased that I FINALLY was learning to knit (and she probably wondered what took me so long). Thank you for your kind comments, and I think it's great that you and Maria are friends :) Wendy

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