Thursday, January 07, 2016

Decluttering in 2016

I think I've mentioned in the past that I helped clear out my parents' home when my mom passed away and my dad went into a home. It was absolutely the worst time of my life!! I don't want to go into all the miserable details, but I was carting stuff out of their house every Saturday for two years in my mini van. I would come home with the van loaded front to back, top to bottom with stuff. Then on Sunday I would sort through it ... garbage / goodwill / keep. Over and over and over!

Photo from today ... completely unrelated to this post!
After two years it got increasingly difficult to decide what to get rid of, and I kept far too much of the possessions. I know this because my family complains about the crowded rooms now ;) I was just burnt out from everything ... losing my mother to cancer, suddenly losing my father to dementia at the same time, losing the family home that had meant so much to us all and just losing that whole part of my life! So I kind of stopped with the purging and sorting and just left things sit in the garage and in the basement and anywhere I could find room. Every so often I would gather myself up and tackle a small bit of it again. 

I found I was loathe to get rid of all of it because I felt like I was getting rid of my parents at the same time. It's like their essence existed within their possessions, and I just couldn't bear to throw things away. Once it's gone, it's really gone! I had to make tough decisions because I would never be able to get anything back once it went out the door. And I wasn't really sure I wanted to lose absolutely everything just yet. It was so bad, that I would even buy things at the thrift store that my parents once had because it reminded me of them! When I look back at that time I can honestly say I wasn't coping well with the loss of my mother. It really shook me. I ended up in the hospital two weeks after her death in unbearable pain thinking I had had a heart attack. Thankfully(?) it was "just" stress, but it was definitely a warning to me. I maybe should have sought out some grief counselling, but I didn't.

So the clutter in my house reigned. I'm not saying my house looks like an episode of "Hoarders", but my family enjoyed labelling me with that distinction every so often. I would get so angry at them, that they finally quit. I would even watch that show every so often to double check that I really wasn't in such dire straights! I did learn a lot about why people hoard, however, and sadly most people hoard for emotional reasons. Oh dear ... I was really emotional! 

My last great blitz was when we redid our kitchen in 2014. I did really well sorting out the kitchen stuff. The kitchen had to be completely emptied to paint all the cupboards, and I was very careful about what went back into it. The only things I'm still having trouble deciding on are my mom's spongecake pan and bundt cake pan. I've never made either type of cake in my life, and not even in the five years since Mom's death ... but they still are with me. My kitchen cupboards have remained organized and tidy, however, which makes me happy. I found it easy in the kitchen because when you're using baking & cooking utensils, pots & pans, you quickly notice which things you are using and which you are not. I could be honest with myself and get rid of things that weren't getting used at all. It's harder in other areas. How often do you "use" a figurine? or a book? or a vase? There's nothing to gauge these items for their practicality. Some things were just nice to have, but not useful at all. And these are the things that sit and wait for a final eviction order.

This year I want to make a really good try at getting the last of this stuff sorted out yet again. Each time I tackle it I get a little braver. I know the process is 90%  emotionally involved, but seriously, these things will never bring my mother back or stop my father's further progression into dementia. Having so much stuff in my house is making me depressed and annoying my family. 

When I went up to our friends' cottage for New Year's they had the same thing to deal with when they took over their parents' cottage. My friend told me "it's just so liberating to let things go and start fresh". I want that liberating feeling so badly! I know she had the same family memories wrapped up in the cottage possessions. They kept only what really mattered  ... aka things they would actually use! And the cottage looked lovely without all the junky bits and pieces. She also said, "If you like something so much, just take a picture of it instead and get rid of the item". I tried that today with a few of my kids crafts they did when they were small. I took the photos ... but I couldn't part with all of the crafts! I did throw out three crafts, but the following went back in the box. Not sure if that suggestion will work, but I'll try it again with something else.

back in box

back in box

back in box ... this was my "fall decorating" box from the crawlspace


I used to have very little in my house, and I want that freedom of space again. I even remember when a great aunt died and my mother brought all kinds of things home from Great Aunt Mary's house, and I absolutely hated it! I hated that suddenly there were crowded areas in the home and the things that were crowding it weren't "ours". I hated the smell that suddenly infused my parents' house brought in from the furnishings, and I just didn't like most of the things my mom brought home. They were so old and ugly I thought. Now I find myself asking why I'm doing exactly the same thing to my own house! My family detests it, and I don't like the cramped feeling, so I really need to do something.

My husband and I sometimes sit and discuss things that I need to let go. Usually we're sitting in the living room and he looks around and says "you need to get rid of that chair" and then it progresses to other things "I need to get rid of".  It usually turns into an argument ... not good. I'm sure my mother never intended for her possessions to cause me and my family such anxiety. In my mind I can just imagine her saying "Oh Wendy, just let these things go, they don't matter". I also don't want to cause my own kids anxiety over these possessions when I go! I would just hate to put them through this. My mother didn't intend for this to happen. I know she had planned to get rid of a lot of her possessions, but she got past it (age and ability wise) before she got around to it. She did pass along her teacups and her own paintings to us kids before they even moved house. I like those things best because she gave them to me ... I didn't end up with them. I remember our conversations when she passed them along, and that meant more to me than dealing with all these possessions now that she is gone.

So this year will be the "Big & Final Purge" of all this stuff. I may or may not ask my siblings if they want any of these items. It becomes more difficult then because I have to get the things out to them ... and only one lives relatively close. Shipping charges for my brother to BC would add up, and he admitted already to me that he doesn't want to pay for that. But I can't hold onto these things forever for him. He has mentioned a few things that he would like to have, but that's always where it ends and no plans are made to collect them. What would you do in this situation? 

I already started with the purging when the Christmas decorations came down. I was thinking it would be really nice and really helpful if the Christmas decorations were just kept upstairs in a cedar chest (from Mom!), rather than in the crawlspace which is really awkward to get into at the back of a basement coat closet. So I've started sorting things to get rid of from the cedar chest. It's not been easy, but I'm getting there. There are a few baby quilts etc. in there that my MIL made for my kids which I have to keep, but a lot of things are not being used at all ... I need a mantra to keep saying to myself in order to keep going. What do you tell yourself when you purge long loved belongings that no longer have a use?

Wish me luck in this venture ... I sure do need it ;)

Wendy


48 comments:

  1. Well good luck then! Funny thing, i have the sMe goal this year. Let's compare notes next Dec!

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  2. Oh Wendy, my heart goes out to you. My husband is much more attached to things than I am, and he had a very hard time letting go of stuff when we downsized to our cottage. About a month after we had moved here I asked him if he missed all the stuff he got rid of, or ever even thought about it. He thought about it for a minute, got a surprised look on his face, and said "not really." I hope the same proves true for you. Your friend's idea of taking pictures of the things you plan to get rid of is an excellent one.

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    1. Thank you Kristie, your words have given me encouragement. My house is already small which is probably a good thing. There is really not much storage space here so it's really noticeable when we get overcrowded with possessions.

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  3. Sending luck your way!Since you've already written your intentions/concerns you are well on your way to following through.
    We all have those items that we keep, just because. I agree that the kitchen is the easiest area to streamline and organize.
    You are lucky to have siblings. Give them one more time or simply gift them the item(s) and they can be involved in the stay or go decisions. For those not so near by, same thing, if they really want something then it's only fair to share in the shipping expenses or pay the shipping.
    I did one purge of decorations before Christmas and it was just fine.

    My husband and I have talked about "our stuff" and it really comes down to the scenario, you've got 15 minutes, What really matters to you?

    I don't remember what show it was but three tarps were laid out, keep, go and maybe and everything was in front of the folks so no hidden treasures and no not dealing with things. It seemed to be easier to deal with the maybe and even cull the keep. Try one area at a time.
    For me, once a load is ready I'm off to one of the thrift stores, done. If I can find someone to give items to that works as well.

    And yes I can say all this ...a few weeks from now it will be a different thing here and I'll be up the creek with another family household to attend to.
    Remember the long loved belongings that no longer have a use for you will become a new treasure for someone else. It's all good.
    Hang in there!!

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    1. If I had just 15 minutes, I would grab the kids and the pets and turn my back on it all! I remember that show with the tarps, and would feel so bad for the people who had to make these decisions under pressure. My son thinks I should empty each room and put things back in piece by piece (like we did with the kitchen). I might do this but working a cabinet or a closet at a time. Thanks for your words of encouragement Debbie, it means a lot.

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  4. This entry brought tears to my eyes! I can feel your pain so much. But like you said your mother never intended for her possesions to become your anxiety. Big hugs to you friend on this journey. May your memories become your new possesions.

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    1. This whole scenario has brought me to tears over the years Liz. I was an emotional wreck after clearing out my parents' house. That is a wonderful line "may your memories become your new possessions", and something I hope to fulfill. Thanks so much for your words of encouragement.

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  5. Stuff can represent so much. It can really tie us down, too. Your confusion comes through your words. Your sweet mother doesn't reside in the things she left behind and it's a huge task for you to go through everything. I think I would have difficulty, too.

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    1. This is it exactly Lorrie, these possessions are tying my down and making me depressed. I think I've had to hit bottom to realize the only solution is to purge it all. I haven't wanted to think about it for quite a while now, but this year will be the beginning of the end.

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  6. Oh Wendy, your story sounds so much like mine. My Mom left this world while my Father was still in the nursing home with dementia, and we were left with a house full of memories and no place to put it all. My shed is still stuffed full and I have a storage unit that needs to be dealt with, so I am on the same journey. I love all the advice from your dear blog readers and from your friend. I have also let my husband decide on some things and left it up to him to dispose of them so I would not have to make another decision about it. That seems to work well. What you can't see leave doesn't pull at your heartstrings. Since your family is urging you to purge, maybe you could let them do the work of sorting and purging some of it when you are not around. My husband knows what would be a true 'keepsake' so I trust him and that has helped. Some of the kitchen things have made their way into my garden as planters and decorations, too. I wish you the best on this sentimental journey and you have encouraged me, too. I love what Liz says - 'May your memories become your new possessions.' So wise. Hugs xo Karen

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    1. Although I don't wish this on anyone, it's also nice to know that I'm not alone on this journey. I'm not sure my husband has the same ideas as me when it comes to what we should keep. But I can appreciate that sometimes a person who is not attached to these things emotionally has a more critical eye. I actually had some help from my teenage son while we put the Christmas decorations away together. He encouraged me to get rid of quite a few decorations. I hope you can find your way to letting go of some stored up items as well Karen. Thank you for leaving such a kind comment.

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  7. I can hear the indecisiveness in your voice. How terribly difficult for you, but I think you are on the beginning of the road to sort through your mum's stuff and perhaps cull that which you don't want anymore. Just keep a few precious mementos that are filled with lovely memories, perhaps pass some down to those in your family that would like a few and gift the rest to 'thrift shops'. As for your brother, if he wants some of the possessions, it is only right that he should pay for the cartage. There is never any easy way to sort through our parents' stuff, but it is better to be done. As you say your mum would encourage you to pass it all on to others and not be so angst about it all. Just cull bit by bit and soon enough you will find a release with the letting go. I don't wonder you are emotional about it all, having your mum die and your father admitted to a nursing home within such a short space of time would be an impossible load to bear. Xx

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    1. It was a tricky time for sure Kim, and one that I don't think I cope with very well. This afternoon I actually began the purging by quickly going through the kitchen once again. I took out a few things that were bugging me ... the cake pans have now gone ... and I feel very much encouraged by everyone's comments here to get moving on this quickly. If I spend to much time dithering over items, they fail to leave the house. You're right that it's not easy, but it needs to be done. Thank you for your comforting words.

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  8. Did you read the Mary Condo book, Wendy? It helped me separate the emotional baggage from, well, the baggage itself, as I also have difficulty letting go from anything that has any kind of family history. Good luck with the purge! It is a lot of work but well worth it.
    Amalia
    xo

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    1. I have not, but since reading this comment I've read a couple of reviews of it, which sound really encouraging! I think I may head out this weekend to buy it now. Thanks for the tip Amalia :)

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  9. It's hard isn't it, to let go, and like you said you in effect lost both parents at the same time. No wonder you want to hold on. It is however liberating to get rid of stuff from our lives. What about taking photos of some things...like the ones in your blog, put them in a lovely memory book? You then don't have to hold onto the physical thing but can still look through the book and share the emotions? :) xxx

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    1. I like this idea of the book Amanda, and will consider this for a few things. Taking photos may feature big in this clean up. I took photos of all my mom's rings. She had bequeathed them to all of her kids before she died, but I can still see them all together in my photos. Thanks for your input!

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  10. A very brave and heartfelt post Wendy. Saying it all, and getting it all out there will I hope help you. Also the thought that you don't want your own children to be in this position one day might also help you to decide what to keep and what to let go. If you can perhaps think will they want this, what will this mean to them? Only a suggestion. I totally get the difficulty and the struggle, my parents have both gone through this and I have watched them, as a child we had to clear a very big house that my grandparents lived in that was stuffed with stuff so that my grandmother could move to a smaller house, when she then moved to an even smaller house we had to do it all again with the things she had kept. So I am determined never to leave anyone to do that for me, so I try to be selective, hence, my hoarder chucker tendencies. My FIL is just the same, his house is absolutely crammed with stuff that really is actual rubbish - one of those hoarder programmes that you speak about could film in his house! - and one day we will have to go through that which I dread. With regard to thinks like your childrens ornaments, this isn't my original idea, but I saw it somewhere, what about photographing them as your friend suggested, and then putting together a book with them in. You can do photo books online and then you can actually sit and flick through the book as a family, or you could make one for each of your children and then there would be a new momento and treasure out of the old ones, not just photos sitting on a computer somewhere. It might help you feel that you are making something of letting things go. You could do that with other things from your parents as well for yourself and if you wanted your siblings, especially your brother who is so far away. Also, another suggestion - cause I am so good at suggesting things to others and rubbish at doing them myself! - what about boxing up the things he wants to keep, and giving him say a 12 month deadline to either collect them or have them - at his expense - shipped to him. That way he can save up for the shipping costs if he needs to. Then if he hasn't collected by next January say, you can just donate the whole box without opening it? Just an idea. I hope that we are good enough friend that you know that I am saying this all from a good and caring and loving place. If I were closer I would come round and help you and hold your hand and hug you while you went through this, but know that even if I am not there in person to do it, I am there in spirit and I am always here to chat over anything that you are struggling with in particular. I think though that having written this all down and published it here that you have made a great stride already! I know from our friendship over the last few years how you have struggled and although I was surprised to read this today, I was so pleased and so proud of you and I think that you are really dealing with it very well. Good on you Wendy!!! Oh, I just see that someone above has suggested a book of the photos too! I love you Wendy, you are a good friend and a good person, so good luck with all of this. Massive hugs my dear! xxxx

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    1. Lots of good advice here Amy, thank you so much for taking the time to write these down. I did help my parents download their stuff as much as possible from their country home before they moved into their small bungalow in town. In the end it was a mere drop in the bucket, although I spent two years clearing things out of their basement from the first house. Another two years clearing things out of their town home after Mom died ... ugh! It took such a physical toll on me too.
      I like the idea of making books on-line. My husband has created a few books for our family on Blurb and we were so pleased with the quality. Getting time to do this is my only hesitation. I also like the idea of giving my brother a deadline to collect the things. I've considered sending things out to him bit by bit, but one large box costs about $40-50 to send, and it would add up quickly. (are you reading this Joe?) Keeping all the things he wants in one area of my house might help me (and him) see what we are dealing with. He may decide it's just not worth it.
      Thanks for the virtual hugs Amy :)

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  11. Oh best of luck Wendy it's always such a struggle. I kept things of my fathers that I had no need to keep. Little things really as my mum is still alive but there is so much attachment to things isn't there. I hope you see a way through xx

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    1. I felt my mom's presence in all her things so strongly, but now as time moves on, the tug to keep it is growing weaker. I remember as a child when my grandmother died I was allowed one thing of hers, and I got a tiny little vase about 2-inches high. It's very special to me because it's the only thing of hers I have. It would be nice to have just one thing of Mom's, but I don't think I could decide on what that would be!

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  12. I can totally relate to what you are going through. If you end up having a big estate sale or garage sale I would just let family members know about it and when.
    My Mom was constantly concerned about having stuff around that didn't matter so she was constantly purging. then when she had to move off the farm to a house in town by my brother then she really got rid of things-My brother didn't handle her items with caring but he did rent a truck and let me have anything I wanted-I only took things I knew I could use.
    now on the other hand hubby and I are collectors and have just too much stuff everywhere. and we have no family to leave items to either in the end-so I have begun to really look at things differently-
    its a huge task for sure-good luck with it all hugs

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    1. I don't think I would have enough for an estate sale now ... we did consider this when we started emptying the house, but it didn't go anywhere. Good for your mother to see that she needed to downsize her belongings. My mother knew this too, and try as she might, my father was there to grab things back again. He was forever keeping things that might come in handy one day. I just don't want to do the same thing to my kids, and now is the time to deal with it while I'm still capable (mostly physically capable). I'm glad you were able select some pieces from your mom's place. It's nice to have some things around you that you grew up with. It's deciding which things to get rid of that's the tricky part ;)

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  13. Wendy, don't be too hard on yourself. This is a hard process, and we all have to deal with it sooner or later. Maybe if you had a trusted friend help you, she could encourage you to let go of things. I have purged and decluttered so much, and I have not regretted getting rid of anything, if that helps. You can keep a few sentimental things, just not everything.
    I have all the photos from my in-laws. Nobody has volunteered to help, and I feel weird as the daughter-in-law to be sorting and pitching. But that's on my agenda. I will divide things up and mail out a very few photos and hopefully call it a day with no guilt. If your brother doesn't want to pay postage he probably doesn't want anything badly enough.
    I just helped a friend do some packing before she moves, and came home more motivated to clean out more. How do we collect so much??
    Best wishes to you!
    Oh, one hint is to pack up stuff, stick it somewhere for 3 months, and if you don't miss it , get rid of it without opening the box again.

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    1. Thank you so much for these thoughts Deborah. I've read so much that, like you, no one ever regrets the purging once it's done. I have to keep that in my head. I know I will feel better for having less stuff, it's the decision making that is the most difficult.
      That would be weird dealing with your in-laws photos! I hope I won't have much to deal with when the time comes for my own in-laws to downsize. I want to keep a great distance from that and leave it to my husband and his siblings to sort out between them. Their house is very full too, nicely kept, but there's a lot of stuff there.

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  14. Dear Wendy, I did feel your pain in this post as it is so hard to get rid of stuff with an emotional attachment. But ultimately we are not defined by our possessions and we have our memories whether we keep stuff or not. Good luck with your de cluttering but don't be too hard on yourself xx

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    1. Thank you so much Gina for these thoughts. You've put it into a simple truth that we do still have our memories. I think having all these pieces just clutter up my head as much as my house.

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  15. Good luck with it all Wendy I know how hard it can be. I was so lucky when my mum died she had gone through all her stuff and there was very little left but she had left specific things for my brother and myself one was an expensive collectable figurine which wasn't to my taste at all but I felt I had to display it because it had been hers, my son accidently knocked it off the table and the head came off and shattered I was horrified and gathered up all the pieces and put them in a pillowcase and placed then in a drawer even though I knew it was beyond repair, that was ten years ago and just before Christmas I found the courage to throw it out, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I look at my own home now and I know I too need to get rid of stuff I have got things which were my mother's and my grandmothers in the loft and like you I don't want my kids to have to agonise over my stuff when I'm gone. It's not easy and it doesn't have to be done all at once but really it's just stuff and I know you will feel so much better once you have gotten rid of it all. I hope we both have a lovely airy clutter free home by the end of the year. xxxx

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    1. Care to join me on this journey Linda? I understand how you feel about the figurine. There was one figurine my mother had (a Hummel), and she loved it and she passed it on to me. I did not like it and I thoughtlessly threw it in a bag of garbage to be burned. I discovered my mom scraping through the ashes and collecting her precious figurine back again. I think it was her mother's before. I felt so badly then and full of guilt that I had hurt her. Then when I cleared out the house I found that figurine all charred and ruined, but kept by her anyway. There was no way I could keep it because it caused me pain just to look at it. So out it went and all the guilt with it. This makes me understand why people say if something you own makes you unhappy, get rid of it. Bequeathing items to your children would really make things easy for them at the end wouldn't it. Something to consider :)

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  16. Oh Wendy I wish you luck going through all of the stuff. It is very difficult sometimes to figure out what to keep and not. I went through the same when my father in law passed away. Take care.
    Hugs Julie

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    1. Thank you Julie, yes it is difficult trying to make a decision for every piece of furniture, figurine, vase, etc that I look at. I have to have my wits about me and seriously think about each item or I don't get anywhere. Thank you for the virtual hug ;)

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  17. It is very difficult to let go of things attached to our memories. I too struggled with what to keep and what to let go. There are some good suggestions in your comments section. Wishing you good luck with decluttering.






    Vicki

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    1. Thank you Vicki, I have created a page on my sidebar about this decluttering process with tips and ideas to help me along the way. Everyone has been so helpful here I agree. Thank you for your good wishes :)

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  18. When my Mom died...there was a whole house to be purged and sold...
    My siblings and I split up things that we remembered from childhood..
    Artwork...China...things like that...
    The rest was sold by auction at the house...the rest was donated...
    I cherish the things that my Mom actually gave to me...
    Good luck with your chore...it will be fine...
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

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  19. I don't usually jump on the bandwagon of the system du jour, but I'll make an exception for KonMari. The book by Marie Kondo can really shift one's internal method of dealing with The Stuff.
    We can do it, Wendy. I'm sure of it.

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  20. I think what you are trying to do is incredibly hard. I am not sure you will be able to delcutter any possessions until you have mentally come to terms with your mother's death and your fathers decline. I think if it were me I would be concentrating on that first and then trying to declutter, otherwise you will always be having an internal battle.

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  21. Wendy,
    You are once again so wise to approach this decluttering as a priority. I know how difficult it is to let go of our parents things. In fact as I was unpacking more boxes, I found another box of Mom and Dad's belongings. I had saved their eyeglasses as well. It is time for me to let go of some of these things-as I carry my parents and their love in my heart, just as you do your Mom's.
    I am now organizing and labeling everything-so hopefully our kids-will have less to contend with.
    No two ways about it-it's a tough thing to have to go through.
    xo
    Jemma

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  22. I hand stuff over to the local animal welfare people ...so because I love animals it makes parting with stuff a bit easier.....good luck with your spring cleaning !
    Gail x

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  23. Oh Wendy, my heart goes out to you. I know what it is like to lose two parents at once (I lost both of mine to different forms of dementia. They disowned all their kids and then my Mom died of a stroke. My father is still alive)
    It is easy to understand your anxiety and grief over parting with their material possessions and how it makes you feel you are losing a part of them.

    Perhaps one thing you wrote about should be your mantra as you face sorting and clearing out. You said that your Mom never intended this to happen. Perhaps as you decide on each item, you could ask yourself it it is something she would have wanted you to keep or to be passed on to your children someday. It might surprise you to realize how often the answer is that it would not have mattered to her.
    Your friend's idea of taking photos is great. It just might take a little practice at first on things that don't matter to you quite as much.
    My husband gets on my case from time to time over some of my grandparents' things that I kept. As the years pass it has been easier to let them go.

    Best wishes in freeing yourself from the burden of being the memory keeper!

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  24. Funnily enough, after 11 years in this house, we have decided to have a big clear out this year. It hasn't helped that my husband's parents both passed away last year so K brought back a lot of what might be useful. Some of it is useful stuff, but then we probably already had that useful stuff and didn't really need any more of it.

    I was looking through the teatowel pile and there were all these brand new ones that my mother in law had never used - I know the feeling because when they are printed ones from your travels you don't want to wear them out drying the dishes! But what's the point of them just sitting in a cupboard never seeing the light of day? I had some moments looking through them as I remembered ones I'd given her and one from Wimbldon when we went to visit the stadium together more than 20 years ago.

    Luckily we have loads of cupboards here but they are at bursting point so we are planning to go to the 'vide grenier' (car boot sale) in our village this summer to get rid of a load of 'stuff'. If someone would take my punk albums away I would be grateful, I'd give them away for free to a loving home but I shall feel torn seeing them go as they are memories of my late teens. But we never listen to records anymore, even though we still have a turntable! And I have all sorts of stuff that I have kept because of the memories.... I wish you luck Wendy and hope you can manage to let go. xx

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  25. Sorry I've been missing so long my Friend!! Great plans Wendy!! ::giving a round of applause:: - You go Girl!! And after you're done with your decluttering, will you come and do mine? Pretty please? Lol

    My hubby is such a minimalist and I'm a "sentimentalist hoarder" according to him. Lol. Okay, maybe not quite that bad, but I do tend to get attached to things. So I'm wishing you much luck and cheering you on like a cheerleader with my poms poms that you will get it all done. ;)

    Blessings! xoxo

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  26. Best of luck with the decluttering, Wendy! I've noticed that quite a number of bloggers have made decluttering their goals for 2016.

    There's an Australian blogger with a blog called "365 Less Things" (http://www.365lessthings.com/). She's a hard-core minimalist, but she has written some interesting articles that deal with the psychology of letting go...

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  27. Wendy, I can sense your frustration and your arguments for bot parting with your mother's beloved treasures is understandable. I believe that all the 'stuff' that belonged to your beloved mother can be 'stored' in your heart, where there is always plenty of space for precious memories, and decluttering is never an issue. Having said that, only keep those material objects that have a VERY important meaning to you; that way they will always remain special.

    xx
    Poppy

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  29. Sometimes we need to hold on to things a little longer. You will know when you are ready, don't let anyone else decided that time for you. Take it slowly, one item at a time, one day at a time.

    -Soma xx

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  30. Coming in late to this discussion, having been travelling, but this really touched me. I see it is only five years - do not be hard on yourself. After 8 years, I am still working on the same thing, times two as my MILs bits also came to our house a year later. I really identify with so much of what you say, including resenting having this stuff crammed into your life/house, vs letting go tangible parts of your parents' lives. Last week I took a deep breath and parted with a scrapbook of cards celebrating their 60th anniversary, a memory quilt I made MIL to celebrate her 75th, their travel diaries, and a few other things. It is difficult but becomes easier as years go by. A month after my mother died I fled to England (alone) to be with my daughter. I had never travelled alone before but it became an imperative at the time. Some kind of reaction. All the best, and only do what you can manage, even just one item a month if you like. xx

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